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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in xylo_nerd's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
6:28 pm
 Well, I had another close-call with the whole suicide thing last night, and frankly I think the only thing that stopped me was the fact that "vein" rhymes with "drain," so I couldn't bear the thought of slitting my wrists in the shower. And today I was entertaining thoughts of hanging myself from a tree outside the main offices. No reason why, I wasn't even particularly depressed (as I recall about eight hours later).
I'm pretty fucked up.
Anyway, it may be a new setting, but it's a similar plot. I noticed that Justin is now in a relationship with someone, and I couldn't stand the fact that it's not me. Even though I really and truly do LOVE him, he's about three hours away, never had an interest in me to start with, and is WAY happier now than he's ever been, I still can't find it in myself to just be happy for him instead of jealous of Eric (if that is indeed who he's with).
I'm pretty fucked up.
I'm gonna go ahead and say right now, a boy isn't something to lose my life over, but sometimes, especially late at night, I can't help the way I feel about stuff. Sure, it's irrational, but I think I'm just too much of an emotional extremist. When I'm good, I'm really great, when the pendulum swings the other way...well, let's just look at precedent (sic?).
Wow, the Enlightenment writers would just have a field day with me.

Current Mood: Generally upset?
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
3:32 pm
Hmm...
After a near-two-year hiatus, I think I'm back on the LJ. I had to go back through my previous entries to see what all people needed to be caught up on, assuming I still have my two readers.
Jon (formerly spelled "John") is a douche, and we dated for a ltitle bit,  but whatever. I dumped him. I finally got over Shaun, just a matter of weeks ago. All this after a "Shaun-doesn't-love-me" induced suicide attempt last January. Yucky stuff. NEWSFLASH!: Shaun is a bastard.
I now attend Henderson State University on an almost-full scholarship as an English major with a triple minor. Minors are: Spanish, Theatre, and German. All of which are actually pending, I haven't declared one and have barely started on the regiments needed for any of them, save Spanish.
Although I love the Cheshire Cat, I think I'm gonna get  a new avatar, one that actually is me, because guess what! I GOT HOT! That's right, if you're still my friend, you've made a good investment. And...okay, I'm not hot  persey, but certainly a great deal better than I once was.
Still single, but I'm working on that, and I have a decent makeout buddy if  I ever have the need. Which I probably won't; he's not all that great.
Anywayz, much love to anyone out there still reading, and yes, I'm including myself.♥ 

Current Mood: chipper
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
7:15 pm
Angry.
Jess is pissed. Why is Jess pissed? Jess wore the nice sweater for John today, and John DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR DRAMA PRACTICE!!! Stupid bastard. And it's not like I can wear it again tomorrow. Grr........bastard.

Current Mood: See title.
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
2:11 pm
Nothing to update, I think. Kinda doing this one on the fly. Don't expect paragraph formatting. I've spoiled you too much as it is. Oh, I ran the Annual Colors' Day sock-hop last night. I was a doorman with Pat. I stamped the hands. She took the money. Oh, and I'm officially re-smitten with John, and I don't want to be. Suck. Umm... I've decided to stop ignoring Shaun...damned mixed messages. I wish I knew if he hates me as much as he acts like he does, or if it's moreso playful banter. I've given up on him actually liking me, but...hmm...he does things that confuse me. Ooh, I got my hair cut yesterday. Every eight months, like effing clockwork. I wish my mother would take me up there more. Ummm....Oooh, I bought an awesome new shirt/jacket today. It's hott. Aaaaaaaaand.... there has to be more little stuff to write about. I returned that copy of The Producers to Barnes and Noble yesterday. And I saw Erik-with-a-K there. Apparently he works all sorts o' hours. It was like...noon and the last time I saw him there it was like...eight P.M. Ah well. I'm off to B&N.com to do some shopping. But what do I want?

Current Mood: Whee?
Thursday, January 26th, 2006
8:00 pm
Goddammit.
I tried to talk to John again today, and I'm disappointed. I don't think he likes me. Which may be just as well, as he emptied the contents of his pockets, and I'm pretty sure I saw a lighter. Unless he's a huge fan of candles, I'm thinking something would end up not working out. So now, I'm snuggling up with an imaginary whore that Shaun bought me. His name is Spalding. Spalding started out as a whore, but he's fallen madly in love with me. So there.

Now I just need to look for someone else...and hope Spalding doesn't find out.

I'm pathetic.

Current Mood: disappointed
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
8:10 pm
Hmm...nothing of interest to post...umm... talked to John today. Okay, it was one word, but when I'm smitten, boy howdy am I SMITTEN!

*sigh* He acknowledges that I exist...purr. Oh, and good news. I finally talked to someone about my problem with Shaun, and I think I'm finally over it. Yay again! Err....wait...first yay.

Now I just need someone to flirt with inbetween. I wanna be tactful with John, and I can't flirt with Shaun anymore, so...hmm...maybe Katherine knows someone. I feel like whining now, so here goes.

I want hiiiiiiiim.........'kay. I'm done.

Current Mood: anxious
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
8:18 pm
Cloud nine struck me with lightning...
Okay, so...since last entry...

Turns out the whole Shaun thing didn't pan out. Suck. But on the upside I have a new crush that just happens to be very very flamboyant(spellcheck, anyone?) But, back to the first part of that...THIS paragraph.

Yeah, apparently "it wasn't me he was seeing" and I'm not quite over it, but I'm sure that as soon as I can find someone else, I'll be good to go.

Part two of the...is that the first or second? The technical first one is more like a title, but I couldn't put it in the title box, so...*points* That one.

Turns out he's SUPER smart, but on the downside, rumor has it he's only thirteen years old. Suck. Ass. Ah well. If he doesn't mind, I won't. Umm...name's John, umm...really hyper, which sucks, but I think I could calm him down. *Cracks whip*

*sigh*...these postings don't have quite the same personality that they used to, do they?

Current Mood: I thought my thing was a he...
Thursday, December 15th, 2005
10:21 pm
A reason for happiness. Oooh, poetic.
What is today? Thursday, right? Right. I did the Math semestre test today, and I didn't totally suck it up. I think a 75 would be in the lower part of the range. Anywayz, I'm not here to write about the test. I'm here to write about Wednesday. You remember Shaun, right? Of course you don't. I haven't told you about Shaun. I think I will.

Okay, first time I saw Shaun was this summer at Rookie day for marching band. Yes, I spent time in the summer with the Freshmen. Sue me. Any-hooch, (this would include Maddy...get it? Hooch? And...nvm{j/k. I'm giddy and shall be so all this week.}) he was the only good-looking one there, and he had a girlfriend. So I thought to myself, 'One can hope, right?' So I started hanging around him, partially because Pat (you know, the one to whom I am attatched at the hip) did too, and partially because he was one of three that knew what he was doing. Fast forward in time four months or so, and he dumps said girlfriend for Pat. Suck. Ass. Good news, tho. Pat didn't want to go out with him that soon, and he took it as simple rejection. Normally, thinking this was good news would just be evil. Bad Jess. But, it turns out that he had been recently 'confused about what he wanted.' Rock on for me. Fast forward another two weeks, and he tells me that he 'thinks he may be bi' and he 'thinks he likes .' Again, rock on for Jess. Two more weeks or so, and Jess pushes him into having cyber sex, but without the actual sex part. Everything but. Now you're up to speed. That was Sunday, and it happened again Monday. Nothing Tuesday, but...

Wednesday: I went over to his house for, what...six hours? The last hour of which was spent cuddling and kissing, although not on the lips. Is that weird? I always felt that the suckling on the neck should come after the proper kiss, but it didn't. Wait...does this mean that I still haven't been kissed? DAMMIT! Ah well. At least I know there's hope now. Probably just a matter of time, really.

Current Mood: Do clouds go higher than nine?
Friday, December 2nd, 2005
6:20 pm
I'm baaaack!
Ya know, I don't think anyone reads this thing anywayz, but I'm finally gonna be able to take it back up. Sweeeet.

Current Mood: A lil' ditzy.
Saturday, November 13th, 2004
7:16 am
Back to Jess the onion, or cake...or parfait.

Describe your Dream Wedding: Hmm... starting with legal, and then going on to saying "just something simple with the one that I love". Yeah yeah, I know. It's not very original.
How do you want to die: Painlessly. Duh.
What do you want to be when you grow up: I want to teach college-level chemistry and physics at a high-school.
What country would you most like to visit: Ireland. In fact, on our little visit, you can just leave me there.

Layer 9 - Opposite Sex:
Best eye color: Green or blue or anything but...actually eyes are just good as long as their not like...glass or something.
Best hair color: Oooh, Black.
Short or long hair: Short.
Best personality trait: As long as they don't neglect me, I'm good.
Best height: Love doesn't measure, but not horribly shorter than me would be great.
Best weight: They could be large as long as it wasn't hanging over the pants they wear. That is so NASTY!
Best articles of clothing: Never really thought about it, and don't intend to.
Best first date location: Cinema works fine. Once again, no original ideas here.
Best first kiss location: Lips, no tongue. Then in for a second kiss with tongue once you've figured out that you don't disgust them or vice-versa.

Layer 10 - Finish The Sentence:
I eat: food.
I think: about lots of stuff.
I am: Jess.
I adore: Michael.
I suck at: so many luscivious comments, so little time.
I am obsessed with: my Michael.
I can: do anything. Just take a look, inside a book, with Reading Rainbow.
I can't wait: Actually I'm dreading most things in the future...
I am annoyed with: my family.
I miss: ...well, make that will miss... Michael.
6:58 am
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!
THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN DELETED DUE TO ME NOT LIKING IT.

Current Mood: Ecstatic isn't enough...
Sunday, September 19th, 2004
5:12 pm
JESS THE ONION...OR CAKE... OR PARFAIT...
Layer 1 - You:
Your middle name: Daniel. Ick.
Birth time: 7:23 A.M
Birthplace: Umm....dunno, really...I ought to ask about that...
Last place you travelled: Grocery store.
Eye Color: Grey. Depends on my mood and the lighting conditions...
Nail Color: Nude.
Height: 5'7'' last I checked, but I think I grew some
Zodiac Sign: Fish/Snake. Either way I'm scaly and cold blooded. Damn it.

Layer 2 - Describe:
Your heritage: Irish/Russian
The shoes you wore today: Red 'n' black converse
Your weakness: Black hair. *shiver*
Your perfect pizza: Anything once all the friggin' grease has been removed via paper towel.

Layer 3 - What Is:
Your most overused phrase on AIM: Is the ellipsis a phrase?
Your thoughts first waking up: Day of the week...who cares? Mom woke me up, I'm going to school.
Your plans tomorrow: School. Advanced Algebra test. Ugh.
Your best physical feature: Eyes. Someone told me I had a good nose though...
Your bedtime: 7-9:30

Layer 4 - You Prefer:
Sunrise or sunset: Sunset. It leads to night.
Gore or Horror: Two parts horror, one part gore, a certain man named Fred and you've got my favorite movie series.
Stripes or polka dots: Stripes.
Planes or trains: Erm...automobiles?
Boxers or briefs: On me? Boxers. On others, briefs. ^_^ I should think about doing this at a time when I'm not so horny.
Pools or hot tubs: Boiling is for chickens and pasta. Give me the pool.

Layer 5 - Do You:
Do you think you've been in love: Hmm... either lotsa lust or love...really close.
Type w/ your fingers on home row: Of course.
Like to take baths: Ick. No. Showers.
Get motion sickness: When it's hot.
Like talking on the phone: Yuppers.
Like thunderstorms: Like? No. LOVE.
Play an instrument: Xlophone, Orchestra bells/bells/glockenspiel, working on Marimba skills, snare drum, trap set, triangle, and working on the steel drum skills. Oh, Timpani. And toms. And basses. Let me re-answer this question...YES.
Workout: Does DDR count?
Like reading: Oh yeah.

Layer 6 - Favorite:
Body part: Hair ^_^
Kind of fruit: Hmm...I feel like limes right now...
Music to fall asleep to: Generally a good video game overture does it. Ancient Hero from Zelda, I think.
Time of the day: Err...night?
Car: I'm not much of a car person.
Thing to do: Procrastinate!
Horror movie: Nightmare on Elm Street.

Layer 8 - The Future:
Age you hope to be married: Mid to Late - Twenties.
Numbers and Names of Children: FROM THIS POINT ON IS MADDY'S!!! i WILL TRY TO DO IT IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS. ONLY THE FIRST PART IS MINE...SORRY.
Describe your Dream Wedding: Happy. In a beautiful place that means something to me. Involving the one person I completely love, with all the traits I want in someone.
How do you want to die: Dude, don't talk to me about dying. I'm still recovering from Mom.
What do you want to be when you grow up: The President! No, probably a doctor, or a lawyer, or a biologist, a researcher, or...something. It's a toss up, really.
What country would you most like to visit: A jungle-y area, with Spanish-Speaking people. Because then I can practice Spanish and check out the awesome animals.

Layer 9 - Opposite Sex:
Best eye color: Green.
Best hair color: Dark.
Short or long hair: Fingerable, for lack of a better word.
Best personality trait: Loyalty.
Best height: Love doesn't measure.
Best weight: Healthy.
Best articles of clothing: Depends on how close to the person I am. *wink*.
Best first date location: Mouth. Although I don't like dates much. Hehe.
Best first kiss location: The cheek, first. Then lips.

Layer 10 - Finish The Sentence:
I eat: food.
I think: about lots of stuff.
I am: a masculinist!
I adore: Cody.
I suck at: skateboarding.
I am obsessed with: the internet.
I can: play the vocal kor'd. Haha.
I can't wait: to finish the goddamned English project.
I am annoyed with: polititians. Insert severly annoyed with.
I miss: painting pictures.
Friday, August 20th, 2004
8:39 pm

Democrats
Circle I Limbo

Saddam Hussein
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

DMV Employees
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Republicans
Circle IV Rolling Weights

George Bush
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Osama bin Laden
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle VII Burning Sands

Rednecks
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Geeks
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell



Just to be clear, I put the geeks (including myself) in the ninth ring because I like the cold, and the rest of my fellow geeks will have to deal with my bliss.
Friday, July 30th, 2004
9:03 pm
The beauty of the ellipses is lost on most...please appreciate it.
I...am...following...Cody's...advice...and...making...an...entire...post...with...ellipses...although...once...again...I...can't...think...of...anything...to...put...in...where...the...ellipses...go...but...once...again...I...don't...really...think...anyone...cares...about...the...technicallity...or...the...beauty...of...the...ellipses...so...I'll...stop...here......or...no...here......make...that......-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-here-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Current Mood: creative
12:48 pm
OH yeah, I go back to my Mom's tomrrow, and I'll onlyu have internet access every other week, so you'll start to notice a new format, and I'll start commenting on stuff that's REALLY old.

Current Mood: stressed
12:45 pm
Whee.
Thursday, July 29th, 2004
1:34 pm
I just realized I don't have anything to post... I think I'll join Cody's community today...I think his name's Cody...pretty sure.

I...am...shooting...for...the...world...record...of...ellipses...in...one...sentence...although...I...can...not...really...think...of...what...would...be...replaced...with...the...ellipses...so...I...do...not...know...if...it...counts...although...I...do...not...know...if...anyone...really...cares...ah...well...

Current Mood: RANDOM MOOD
Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
8:28 pm
Ugh. Just got back from a few days of training the freshmen. They're picking up marching pretty quickly though, although there are a few people that I firmly believe will NEVER GET IT. We even got those people together and had them march with myself and some other upper-classmen holding a steel pole to their backs. Bah.

And -since- I was in Pea Ridge for this, I spent a few days with Mom, and she spoiled me rotten.

It's so much pressure knowing that I'm the favourite. She always does things with me that she won't do with the others. Not only that, (so I know it's not my imagination) she's actually TOLD ME. Peer pressure? Peanuts.

BTW, I prematurely posted a comment. So ignore the short one, and just read the long one. What the fuck am I writing this for? It's not like anyone iwll read this this week anyway...I really should just delete the premature one, ya know? Ah well.

Huzzah for laziness!!!

Speaking of being lazy, I really should get some new user pics. Naaaaaaaah. *shrug*

Current Mood: lazy
Monday, July 26th, 2004
10:43 am
Ugh, I think I felt a little too good yesterday. I decided it would be a fine day to actually get some physical activity, and now I'm sore. We went to my Dad's company picnic...that's where I got the physical activity. The whole week before I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to do anything there, but instead, I did everything, just because it was a nice day. The good news: I participated in everything, and won nearly everything. I won the toe-sack race (That's where you get in a burlap bag and hop about a third of the earth's diametre). I won the three-legged race with my partner Wesley (That's where you put one leg into a burlap sack and your partner does the same so you can amble about a quarter of the earth's diametre, although when we used to do them back home, we used rope. I guess Bemco((My da's company)) isn't into that kind of thing?)^_^ teehee. I won the splash-out tournament ( Similar to a game called Hot Potato, but with bursting water balloons). My team won the volleyball tournament (no thanks to the other five people...except maybe Heather) My Mom won two of five Bingo games (I wasn't allowed to enter...I wasn't sixteen. :P) My Da' won the fifty dollar drawing. MY FAMILY LOST THE EGG AND WATER BALLOON TOSSES!!! I am ashamed. Ah well. All together my family got a total of $105 and a portable radio (I won the radio). However, the abs that I don't have hurt like the bloody fourth ring of Hell, Yesterday I hurt my right leg playing volleyball, and now my left leg hurts too (What the fuck!?)Oh well. Money makes it feel better. ^_^

Current Mood: ouchee.
Sunday, July 25th, 2004
10:37 am
It's extremely nice out right now. It's cool, misting just a little bit, heavy cloud cover, and there's a solo bird singing in the distance... I wonder what he's saying? Or maybe he's just practicing for the big bird recital tonight? Holy crap, I'm gonna be day-dreaming all day. It's just one of those perfect days when you can do that. I feel so light and airy, and the weather reminds me of home. *sigh* At least I'll still remember this day, even if it won't last forever...

Current Mood: just...good.
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